a dash of ash

february 3 2020

I’m about a month into my second semester here at school, and while it’s been significantly tougher than the last, I still find myself thoroughly enjoying every minute of my college experience. This semester has brought upon several new challenges for me to face, but I’ve done so with a hopeful attitude. In addition to my academic responsibilities, I have officially started my work as a Shark Preview leader. In addition to weekly training sessions and office hours, I am now working as a leader for seven weekends this semester. I knew from the moment I began my Shark Preview Weekend a little over a year ago that I wanted to take on the role of a Shark Preview leader. In fulfilling this wish, I work practically all day on Thursdays and Fridays, as well as Saturday mornings, leading a group of, about fifteen, high school seniors, helping them to become familiar and confident with the campus, as well as the community of my school. Despite how much work it sounds like (and is), I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity, as I am able to individually represent our school, and be the first impression that prospective students have.

Of course, this work comes in addition to my 21 credit hour workload. I was able to successfully tackle this workload last semester, ending with a 4.0. However, I have recently changed my major from Elementary Education to Secondary English Education, which requires more English Literature classes, rather than more mainstreamed education classes. Due to my transfer credits I owe to my IB English exams, I was able to place into Literary Criticism and Theory, a class in which I am the only first-year student. I thoroughly enjoy this class and have obtained a great deal of knowledge in the month that I’ve been taking it, but that being said, it has definitely pushed me to my limits with the amount of work that comes along with it. I seriously considered dropping the class and picking up a different course in place of it, but after confiding in friends and past professors, I gained confidence in myself and my ability to test my limits and learn from challenges.

In addition to Shark Preview, as well as my academics, as a member of Shark Teach, the Honors College, and the Fischler Academy, I have additional commitments that I fulfill in between class and work. Any sane person might stray away from this amount of responsibility, but I prefer to face it head-on. I have to thank my high school experience at least partially for this determination and drive. The IB Programme has definitely taught me that perseverance is key within any difficult circumstance, and as I have learned over the last couple of months, life is nothing if not difficult in one way or another.

Despite the difficulties, minor and major, that I face from day to day, I still find time for myself. This is something that I haven’t always done, and have grown to regret it. Throughout high school, more specifically junior and senior year, I never really found time for myself, as I completely invested myself into my academics and school presence. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it wasn’t a good thing for me personally. I was constantly throwing myself into my readings and my notes, and a part of me feels as though I lost myself within my studies. Over the summer, spending time with my friends, and focusing on obligations that weren’t school-related, I believe I began to find myself. However, after a few weeks, I became beside myself with a lack of academic responsibility, as I was so used to defining myself through school that I had no idea how to be myself.

As soon as I arrived on campus, I threw myself into my studies and commitments, but was still able to build a healthy social life for myself. I didn’t really focus on myself as an individual. I put my all into my studies, as well as into building my relationships with all of the new people I had met. While I don’t regret this the tiniest bit, as I have gotten to know some of the best people over my time here, I have grown to understand myself more as an individual in this first month of the semester. I have given myself time to discover what I need as an individual, and it has truly changed my outlook on life for the better.

In spending time with myself, I have realized that I need to devote more time to myself, as well as more time to spending time with my friends. Overall, I have had the most fun the last couple of weeks, as I have been able to complete all of my assignments, work on the weekend, and fulfill any other obligations I might have, while still having time to have fun. Now, don’t get me wrong; my idea of fun is not the typical type of “college fun” some might refer to. I’ve spent several nights in a row watching Mamma Mia!: Here We Go Again with my friends and singing along, and I haven’t been as happy as I have been in those moments for a long time. I’ve learned that spending time with friends doing the simplest of things can bring immense amounts of joy if you’re spending your moments with the right people. While, of course, I am constantly stressed about one thing or another, I find a way to accomplish everything I need to do, and still devote time to enjoy life, if only for a few minutes, and I’ve found that I’m immensely happier because of it. Life will always throw something new at you, and it won’t always work out to your advantage, but finding a way to have fun even in moments of distress, I believe, is the true definition of successfully getting through a hard time. If my college experience thus far has taught me anything, it’s that it’s okay to have fun.

xoxo, Ash